Does this make me a bad person?

My husband and I were out shopping today, hitting up some of the great Memorial day weekend sales. Some of the items that we needed to check off of our list were some baby clothes for my brother in law and his wife. That whole story deserves its own blog post but here is the jist of it..

My brother in law knocked up his girlfriend (now wife) after they had been dating for about a month, he is 23 she is 19 and is due in July. She doesn't work, although she should since they are struggling very hard financially and he works two jobs. She has a son from a previous relationship who basically lives with her grandparents because she says it's too hard to take care of him while she is pregnant. I love my brother in law, not very happy about his choice of wife but it is his choice, not ours.

So here is where my post's title comes into play... while we were out shopping for baby clothes I found myself not wanting to buy them things, especially stuff that I would want to buy for my baby (which I don't have yet) and when they talk about the baby I can't help but get bitter and jealous. So does it make me a bad person for not wanting them to be able to bring a life into this world when they clearly can't afford it and initially didn't want it? Does it make me a bad person for really only caring about the well being of the baby and that being the sole purpose of buying them things that they need? I don't know how to get over this negativity that I feel when I think about their situation... how they can go and get knocked up and be supported by my tax dollars but my husband and I have to spend a lot of time, money and sanity to try and make our dream of a family come true.

The dreaded Two week wait.

Well, I am officially on day 4 of my two week wait and this one is the hardest yet. I have been having weird symptoms the last couple of days, most likely from the meds I was on at the beginning of my cycle. I am having a hard time finding the balance between staying positive and not getting my hopes up. I have a really good feeling about this cycle but I don't want to get crushed if it didn't happen. I also have found it interesting that my husband is having a harder time emotionally with this cycle than he has had before, usually he seems pretty unplugged from things. It's kind of nice to know that he is effected by all of this too.

How do you handle the tww and the emotions that go along with it?

our 4th and hopefull last IUI!

I went in yesterday morning for my 4th IUI and it went amazingly well. My first 2 had been slightly painful and my 3rd was torture due to the use of a tenaculum so I was beyond anxious when we got to the Dr's office. Since it was Sunday we were in the care of the Dr. on call who was not my normal Dr. she helped me relax and got the catheter in on the first try, I didn't even feel it! She told me "ok, we are all done" and I said "with what? the whole thing?!" haha, it was fantastic! I walked out of the office and was able to function totally normally for the first time which was great since yesterday was also my brother in law's graduation from seminary which we had to attend in the afternoon.

I am very optimistic, although trying not to get my hopes up too high, because things have so far worked out so perfectly this cycle... from my egg quality to the fact that the insemination happened at a perfect time of day for us and on a weekend so that we didn't have to deal with work schedules and NO PAIN!

Will keep everyone posted!

a LONG day...

Went into the Dr. for a follicle scan yesterday at 11:30 had two measuring 21mm and 24mm and one 18mm, the I had to wait til 1 pm to meet with the Dr. She decided to trigger me yesterday afternoon. So after my 1pm appt I had to wait until 3pm to pick up my shot at the pharmacy and then go back to the Dr. It was a much longer day than I planned but was worth it. I will go in on Sunday for my IUI and I have a great feeling about this one!

seems like everyone else is getting pregnant.

Just found out that one of our friends who is also my husbands co worker is pregnant with her 3rd child. My husbands sister in law is also expecting as well as two other co workers and a co worker whose wife just gave birth a few days ago. I'm really trying to stay positive and be happy for everyone but it's really hard... honestly I'm super jealous and a little bitter. It was bad enough when we found out that my husbands brother had knocked up his girlfriend of about a month (now his wife) she already has 1 kid, they are on food stamps and can barely afford to live but feel like they are ready and capable of bringing another life into this world. His co worker who just announced her pregnancy is in a similar boat, not on welfare or anything but they were struggling bad with the two kids they had. It really pisses me off that my husband and I can provide a great life for a child but we aren't having any luck and we are having to spend A LOT of money to try and have a baby where as other people in our life can just go and do it whether they should or not.

ugh, I'm done whining... just had to get it out.

a re accuring dream

I have my first folicle scan since I started Clomid scheduled for Friday, I'm a little nervous to see how the meds have worked and I'm hoping that they haven't worked too well or they will cancel my IUI. I think all of this has my brain doing wacky things, I keep having this dream that I find out I'm pregnant with triplets. My husband keeps having the same dream, which I call a nightmare because in his dream they are triplet boys. We would love to have twins because that would be an instant family, especially if we were lucky enough to have a boy/girl set but I am not up for having more than two at one time.

interesting info from a friend

Last night I was talking to a friend of mine and the topic of fertility treatments came up and she said that her Dr. had told her that Ibuprofin can actually prohibit eggs from emplanting correctly. I googled this and found a bunch of articles that said the exact same thing! who knew! I don't typically take advil except during my pregnancy but now will be switching to tylenol.

Has anyone else heard about this?